The Power of Love

This blog was going to be about nutrition. Two weeks ago I received very good news and I can’t resist sharing it in this blog. Nutrition will have to wait until the next one.

On 29 April it was 12 months, almost to the day, since I was diagnosed with early breast cancer. I had a mammogram, then an ultrasound followed by an appointment with my surgeon. The first thing he said to me when I walked into his room was, “you’re all clear”. How did he know? Why didn’t he want to see my scans? He had already checked them online and had the results. Today’s technology is quite amazing.

I knew in my heart that I was clear. In fact I had known that I was clear since my first meditation at Quest for Life. I remember saying to Petrea King, “I have just done a meditation and my heart told me I am cancer free and don’t need chemo”. She suggested that I get a second opinion and mentioned a doctor. I had already had a second opinion and didn’t think that another one would be of any benefit at that time, so I continued with the chemotherapy treatment plan. I created it as ‘love’ every time it went into my veins.

When in hospital, I had become present to a great love and compassion for myself. As I continued to meditate and to learn more about health, cancer treatments and the power of love, I felt stronger in my resolve to take my own path of ceasing chemo early, not having radiotherapy and hormone therapy. I interviewed the doctors and read as much as I could about all treatments. I felt the side effects were not worth it and that I would take the risk and not have further treatment.

Having the proof that I was clear provided a great sense of relief and a new freedom. I started to get more energy and clarity of mind. I felt like the old me again. At the end of the week I was due to go to on a trip overseas with my husband for some work and adventure in Hawaii, then Canada. I was free to go without worry.

I started the trip reading Anita Moorjani’s, “Dying to be Me”. She is a complete inspiration. During her near death experience 7 years ago she gave up her fear of people, life and cancer. She chose to live. She came out of a coma, the cancer began to disappear from her body and she completely healed. She is now living a full life. She realised, “if I’m happy, the universe is happy. If I love myself, everyone else will love me. If I’m at peace, all of creation is peaceful”. I couldn’t agree with her more. That’s what I found. When I chose to live and create peace in my life, I found that people around me who were unwell and dying rallied and started to find peace and acceptance in their lives.

Unconditional love and acceptance of myself and others, as we are and are not, has given me great peace. My friendships and relationships everywhere are stronger, even with people who do not like or accept me. I am at peace with them.

My husband and I are on our adventure now and are in “ranch land” near Calgary staying with friends. Each day we wake to a stunning view of the snow-capped Rockies which we are going to venture into tomorrow. Every morning since we arrived here I have done a walking meditation through the nearby forest. I experience myself as love when I walk and it is a wonderful feeling.

My Personal Prescription

PATIENCE, patience and more patience. That’s what I found I needed most of over the past 12 months. I have always been an action woman. Still am really. I became a different kind of action woman last year. I put myself on a crash course of finding out what had happened to my body, what the doctor’s wanted to do to it and how I could best look after myself in the process of returning it to full health.

I was stopped in my tracks following having the lumpectomy and then 18 lymph nodes removed. At this time doctors have no way of finding out whether lymph nodes are cancerous without removing them. Mine were removed and there was no cancer in them. This, of course, was a relief and good news. However, the healing process in my chest wall, under arm and arm itself has taken much longer than I imagined. I was used to my body healing quickly. It has been a slow process and it may take another year or two for the numbness and phantom pains in the left side of my body to disappear.

A month after the lymph operation I started chemotherapy. Whilst I had talked to as many people as I could about what might happen to me when on chemotherapy, I couldn’t fully prepare myself for what did happen to my body. I will talk about this more in another blog.

Meditation 2Once I was on the treatment course, I looked for ways that I could bring patience into my life every day, every moment. One of the greatest sources for building patience was meditation. At this time I read The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche and was moved and inspired by the Buddhist belief that “living is learning to let go”. I let go of many things – frustrations, anger, opinions, judgements, expectations – and took on being loving and patient, especially towards myself.

I have been asked about nutrition and how I used that on my healing journey. I’ll talk about that next time.